Marilyn and Barbie interviewed me for the future online community of the Lifestyle of Learning™ Association for Christian Home Educators (coming soon). I was given a list of questions and decided to prepare ahead of time. When I started answering the questions, my process began to unfold and became so clear to me all that the Lord has been doing. This exercise blessed me beyond measure.
WHAT PEOPLE SAID (taken from an email from LOL):
Last week's interview with Michelle was so precious! I heard there were many tears on the line as well as right there in our conference call "studio" (the Poling's travel trailer). Michelle, and her husband John, have only been homeschooling for a single school year, having pulled their children out of public school at the end of the 2009-2010 school year. She tells about her academic approach when starting, and how she changed her approach when she came to realize that the relational culture of her home needed some major a ttention. Michelle shared how deeply God had been working in her heart to change the ways she related with her children, and the amazing responses she began to get from her 11-year-old son who had been in rebellion.
Here are a few of the comments:
"I LOVED Michelle's testimony. Even though I've been aware of her process, I was so blessed by hearing it all in one piece. God's work and Michelle's humble cooperation are awe inspiring." ~ Nancy L.
"Michelle, I've been going through the kleenex box for two reasons: because of the wonderful changes in you and your family as you have cooperated with the Lord, and because I feel convicted that there is so much more the Lord wants to do in me and my family..." ~ Carlise S.
"Michelle your testimony touched my heart deeply. Thank you for sharing from your heart about all that God has done in you and your family." ~ Nancy B.
"I was so blessed to be able to listen t o most of the call today. I jotted down notes throughout the call and am now going to type them up to help reprocess everything I heard." ~ Mary H.
"This is so precious and convicting. I resonate with so much of what she's saying." ~ Catherine D.
TEXT:
Here's the text of what I prepared ahead of time. The actual interview turned out a little different with the dynamics of being with Marilyn. I'm hoping the digital audio file will be available to me soon.
HOW DID YOU FIRST LEARN ABOUT LOL?
In January 2010 my husband and I felt convicted to begin homeschooling. Our son was in 4th grade and daughter in 1st grade in public school. We started planning by purchasing curriculum at a homeschool conference in April and telling our kids they wouldn't be going back to school in the fall. We had some friends from church who were really encouraging our decision. In June, a week after school ended, we began with our curriculum.
Every night I spent hours searching online for the "secret to successful homeschooling", since mine wasn't going the way I thought it would. I also purchased more and more curriculum thinking that I just didn't have the right material to make my kids learn. While searching for homeschool answers, I came to Barb Shelton's site which kept referring to the 4 books called Wisdom's Way of Learning and the author named Marilyn Howshall. At that time, the LOL website wasn't up so I actually found LOL on the Influential Parenting site.
I read Barbie's testimony and about her family's transformation. I also saw a Parents Day Out seminar and was pleasantly surprised to see it was within an hours drive from my home! I was so intrigued by Barbie's testimony that I knew I had to attend. That was September, so we had been bumbling along for 3 months until I met you and Barbie for the first time in October at that event. The seminar introduced me not only to LOL but also to the 7 Seasons. I spent most of the 2 hour seminar with tears running down my cheeks as I was so deeply convicted as I was being exposed to truths about parenting that I had never known before. This was my first exposure to LOL.
HOW WERE YOU HOMESCHOOLING BEFORE LOL?
We had started going through curriculum on a daily basis in July and August. We did some reading together and then they had assignments that the children completed at their desks individually. I felt good that we were working toward a routine for academics on a daily basis. I was excited for September since we joined a homeschool coop. But on the first day, I was disappointed. The kids were moving around each hour to a new class and there were 27 kids in the art class! I could see this was really no different from public school so I withdrew the next day and forfeited hundreds of dollars in registrations, deposits & materials fees.
I had identified myself with a combination of homeschool methods that I learned about online. I viewed education as being a scope and sequence of different subjects to be studied over 12 years in a linear fashion according to age. I thought the only difference would be as homeschoolers we could work at our own pace and provide a Christian based curriculum. We purchased tons of curriculum to push our kids through subjects like art, music, math, spelling and language arts, penmanship, science, geography and Bible history. We just brought school into our home and since my kids had been in public school, I assumed they would view me as their teacher and do the schoolwork willingly. I estimated we'd spend about 4 hours of academics per day and the rest of the time they could have free time to explore their interests. I was often told by others how well behaved my children were and expected this to be as simple as planning ahead.
(pause for chuckling)
Uuuuuh, but things didn't go that way! I felt like I had busted open a hive of angry hornets and they were chasing ME!
We had a lot of complaining and strife as we tried to find our way. In fact from October through April my son became more and more outwardly rebellious in his attitudes toward me and his sister. Almost daily we experienced more and more yelling, tantrums and resistance. I really didn't know what to do as it became apparent that I didn't have his heart in any form. He often said he wasn't sure if God existed and stubbornly resisted every simple request. We noticed his growing disdain for us so we bought a book on angry kids hoping to find an answer to our problems but it didn't help us. Like you wrote in your new book, "Empowering the Transfer of Moral Values and Faith", my bad fruit was telling on me.
Thanks to you and Barbie, what I learned is that he wasn't increasing in rebellion, but the rebellion that was already there was coming to the surface as we tried to put on this new homeschool lifestyle. I learned that I had sinned against him by sending him away from me everyday to figure out life on his own and relinquished my God given parental authority over to the school and teachers. I had failed to meet his true needs to be unconditionally loved and understood because I was selfishly living only for myself.
For the past 5 years, I've owned and operated a home-based nail salon. In addition to that, I've manufactured candles and bath & body and sold those products online. I was completely engulfed in my own endeavors and looking back I can see that I saw my kids as an interruption to my own life. I even failed to meet their basic physical needs often leaving them to care for themselves by eating snacks as meals and not helping them as I should because I needed to be on the computer all the time or meeting with clients in my home for nail appointments. I thought allowing them to make their own decisions was helping them mature instead of providing the caring wisdom from me that they so deeply needed. As I was convicted about my selfishness, in January I decided to close my businesses. As of right now, I have two nail clients and still sell supplies online but only spend about 3 hours per week in contrast to the 60+ hours per week I worked when the kids were away from me while at school.
As my sin was exposed, I was deeply and profoundly convicted and grieved over the hurt I caused my whole family. As you and Barbie suggested, I immediately began to repent to the Lord and then to my kids and husband. I began to obey the Lord as I came to understand the Holy Spirit communicated with me through my conscience.
It might sound like this has nothing to do with homeschooling but the way I was relating to my family was so self-centered that we were not able to effectively do anything, let alone move forward with a LOL home education. Our lives were literally rescued by the Lord through meeting you and Barbie as you poured your life out to minister to us. Thank you ssooooo much.
WHAT APPEALED TO YOU MOST WHEN FIRST LEARNING ABOUT LOL?
What appealed to me most when I first learned about LOL was the 7 Seasons that I saw referred to in the webstore where Marilyn's previous books are sold. Each book said something like "good for season 5". I was really curious to learn more about how the seasons would lead to change in myself and family like I read about in Barbie's testimony.
The Seasons seemed like something I could do by putting one foot in front of the other one season at a time. I liked that idea because it also implied I wouldn't miss anything by going through the seasons in order. I am so grateful that you started the pilot program, Marilyn, for the 7 Seasons to Liberate Your Family's Education in January as that has been the catalyst for reconciling me to the Lord and my own growth as well as that of my family.
What also appealed to me about LOL was the emphasis on the unique and individual needs of each child and the encouragement for them to explore and discover their God given gifts and talents.
DESCRIBE HOW YOU STARTED LOL IN THE FIRST FEW WEEKS.
I started by stopping...I stopped using a lot of the curriculum I purchased! I could no longer cram it down my kids throats as I kept receiving conviction from the Lord through my conscience when I tried to use it. And this is what He often said to me from Matthew 11:28-30 from The Message:
"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me-watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."
We ended up taking about 3 weeks off from schoolwork and focused on just living our days together.
Another thing we did was focus on blocks of time instead of every 15 minute time slot. We had a morning routine that included reading, math and a chore. The day was split in half by lunchtime and the afternoon was free time.
That was about 9 months ago and our day still looks similiar with a morning routine, lunch and afternoon of productive free time. In a new area of self-education, I'm reading Wisdom's Way of Learning Book 2 Unit of Life Learning Model and planning how I can start to encourage collections and notebooking.
I'm still very much in the process of starting LOL as a homeschool method for our family. There's so much that had to be restored in our family relationships that I've spent most of my effort toward dying to my self-ways and learning to love my family sacrificially. I'm very much still in this space right now but we are beginning to move forward with all that LOL has to offer us as homeschoolers.
WHAT GOOD FRUIT IN YOUR CHILDREN DID YOU SEE RIGHT AWAY?
Some good fruit in my children has ripened right before my eyes in the past couple months! God is so merciful and kind. All the destruction I brought to my family through my years and years of selfishness is actually being restored so quickly. My son is a different person-as am I. He no longer squints his eyes in hatred at me, he doesn't throw tantrums like he used to and he doesn't resist me to the degree he did even in April. Now he is often willing to obey simple requests without resistance and will sometimes initiate helping me. He smiles and laughs so much more and wants to tell me everything about what he is interested in. I am able to talk to him about listening to the Lord through his conscience and he is starting to see how selfish he really is as I gently correct and instruct him. He is willing to do household tasks when asked and he is relating with others in a loving way by not demanding his way but considering their desires. Because I never lost my daughter's heart like I did his, she remains soft and lovingly responsive to me.
WHAT WERE YOUR INITIAL FEARS?
I was very skeptical about LOL as a homeschool method when I first started reading Wisdom's Way of Learning and Transformational Education because it has nothing in common with my own personal experience with public school. I had difficulty believing that learning could happen without curriculum but I've come to completely accept these ideas as true. I've seen how creativity can blossom into a product in Christi's young children and all of Barbie's children. My initial fears related to what I thought about education, school and curriculum. I was concerned about "gaps" in their education, fearful of not using curriculum, losing control in general and what others would say about my choices. I sometimes still have pangs about what I might answer to certain questions by acquaintances or dinner guests or my extended family.
I was fearful because I really wanted a formula for successful homeschooling. I remember meeting Nancy L. at the first parenting seminar and asking her about her 6 children and what they do each day. She asked me "what are your children's interests"? At that time I really didn't know! She encouraged me that if my son wanted to learn the drums, why not buy him some drumsticks and turn over a 5 gallon bucket and let him go at it. And if my daughter wanted to build a house or robot out of cardboard and tape, then get her lots of cardboard and lots of tape. I thought she was bonkers! That was way too unstructured for me at that time and I couldn't see how they would be learning anything! But I've completely changed and now that's what I'm doing! My initial fears had to do with me having complete control and being worried about what other people would think of me and having no understanding about the true nature of learning or education.
HOW DID YOU ADJUST WHEN YOU UNDERSTOOD LOL BETTER?
I started to see right away that my ideas about how to do homeschooling and how my children should learn would quickly lead to burn out. It was so much work preparing lessons and even just following bite size lesson plans in workbooks over many different subjects. I realized the segments of information that I was presenting did not equate to real learning. The Lord was telling me through my conscience that I was trying to put a square peg in a round hole-that my endeavors were in vain and He had a different and better way. I let go of my plans and sought Him in each day for what to do.
Right now as far as academics go, we have daily read aloud time, they write one or two sentences of copywork and they each are working through a math curriculum by doing one math worksheet each day. Oh, and I read one page of chronological Biblical history each morning at breakfast. That covers reading, writing and arithmetic for now. That has led to where we are now, working our routines each day which allows a lot of time for my children to pursue their interests mainly in the afternoon.
HOW HAS LOL IMPACTED YOUR GROWTH EITHER WITH YOUR PERSONAL EDUC OR WITH THE LORD?
As I look back over the past 9 months, I can see how my whole family has changed in significant ways. The impact of Lifestyle of Learning on my personal growth with the Lord is immeasurable.
One way we have been impacted is through my self-education in the area of planning and preparing meals for my family. I always considered myself to be a failure in the kitchen and used this as an excuse to stay stuck for over 20 years. I had no idea I had ignored this area of my life and the fatigue it produced in me everyday. It has taken about 6 months of continuous effort to form new habits and create methods for meal planning and preparation. I no longer have any stress or anxiety about what to feed my family...the peace of mind I experience every single day is profound. I feed my children breakfast and lunch everyday at home and we eat together. Since March, we've eaten dinner together as a family every night. I blogged my experience and now have a record of the real change that occured around this area and the tremendous blessing we are experiencing as a family because of it. Even though I tried many times over the years to accomplish this goal I was never able to make the needed changes until now.
Another area of impact of course is my relationship with my son. I feel free to shower him with affection and approval where before I only related to him with disappointment, shame and judgment. He allows me to hug and kiss him and doesn't push me away. He wants to tell me about his interests (a lot!) and enjoys being around me and the feeling is mutual. Our whole family relates differently as we are starting to think of each other instead of just our own selfish attitudes, intentions and motivations. We are just beginning to operate as a unit as we've cut out a lot of outside activity and do things together as a family and enjoy being with each other without the need for the presence of others to make it "more fun". I can see each member of my family learning to love each other sacrificially as we put down our own selfish ways. I can see how blind I was in the past as my focus was on religious activity and not love.
Another area in which I've been transformed is my relationship with the Lord. Before meeting you, Marilyn, and Barbie, I was truly lost in my religion. I was just like the Pharisees whom Jesus accused of looking pious on the outside while being wicked on the inside. I was tormented by all sorts of guilt, self-condemnation and fear. I never experienced the overcoming life Jesus talked about until recently as I've been able to change in ways I never could before. I have unexplainable peace and joy that is such a contrast to my inner being even from several months ago. The Lord has set me free in many areas including self focus, shame, fear, worry, guilt and irritation with others. I give Him all the glory for the very good works He has done and the river of grace and mercy He has poured over me. And thank you to Marilyn and Barbie for investing in me by sacrificing your time and energy for me and my family. I’m so grateful for you both so much.'
